Sporting Terms

I am not in the least bit sporty - well not conventionally sporty. There is however one activity that I excel at and in which I always emerge triumphant. Until now I have always just thought of it as 'wheelie bin bouncing', a clumsy term for jumping into one's bin and reducing the volume of rubbish by considerable compacting through jumping. My bin is only emptied fortnightly and a single miss in sending it kerbside can spell rubbish disaster. By necessity and sheer persistance I have honed my skills to ninja level in this sport. If one actually calculates the cost of each individual empty by the bin company this is another excellent motivation in ensuring it is jam-packed full. So I was particularly saddened to read about Jason Gunn's unfortunate accident while engaged in my sport.

Poor Jason managed to topple over backwards from the bin and sustain several breaks to his back in the landing. I send my sincere best wishes for his speedy recovery, and though he is clearly an amateur at the sport I propose honouring his contribution by officially renaming the activity as 'gunning'. The dictionary definitition will read something like this:

gunn, v.i. & t. Leap into wheelie bin in order to compact contents

In the interests of public safety I must caution new gunners to take care when gunning. When the wheelie bin is ready for gunning ...

... move it to a location where the gunner can have support while gunning. We don't want any more gunners doing a 'Jason' and bringing our sport into disrepute. My technique is to jump from the raised seating and grasp the opposite fence.

Safe and productive gunning can then proceed. Happy gunning everyone .... keep safe out there!