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Friday, March 14, 2014

The Personal Touch

I've been a very loyal Countdown customer since they opened in Petone. I felt a bit bad supporting them (what with the alleged screwing of suppliers and demands for cash backhanders, and the unsporting attitude towards New Zealand suppliers by the Australian parent company) but a happy upside of the consumer backlash was a lovely empty supermarket and no queues at the checkout. 

And they really seem to appreciate me - I get a constant stream of emails pointing out all the items I might like to purchase in the coming week. It's like they really care. 
You can imagine my surprise then, when I caught up with the news this morning.


So where is the personal touch now, Countdown? Why would you let me find out the bad news through the media? Why didn't you activate your email system to spread the word? How many OneCard bonus points do I get for liver failure? No, I'm sure they haven't forgotten me, but just in case, I sent a wee email. 

Dear Countdown,
I see that through my OneCard swiping you are able to review my shopping, monitor my purchasing patterns, and tailor email content to my projected purchasing needs. 
You may have noticed therefore that I have been merrily consuming, for the last two weeks, Golden Queen peaches and Royal Gala apples. I would imagine your sophisticated customer tracking system could easily be programmed to reveal many customers in the same predicament as myself. I am assuming I will soon receive a refund of the purchase price of these, to compensate for the fruit I have been advised to throw away. Obviously I could not throw it all away, having eaten some, but a full refund might be quite sporting, bearing in mind I must now keep a constant check on the colour of both my eyes and urine while I wait to see if I develop Hepatitis A in the Countdown Fruit Lottery. While it's lovely that you are concerned that I might run out of my favorite hair conditioner, wine and dish washing liquid, I'm finding myself a little more distracted by the possibility of imminent liver cancer and other potential side effects.
Yours in anticipation,
Tracey Collins




3 comments:

  1. Dear Ms Collins,
    thank you for your email, we always like to get such personal contact from our favourite customer.
    As far as the Hepatitis thingy is concerned, just forget it, it's just another instance of media hype.

    On the off chance that it's not, could I direct your attention to our new combined casket/plot and service package?

    We like to think of ourselves as a cradle-to-the-grave type of company.

    Pop in soon and choose your colour.

    Regards

    Countdown.
    We DO care.

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  2. A great letter Tracey.
    You are correct in assuming that they can easily track the fact that you've been a consumer of their dodgy product but these unscrupulous bastards only use their 'intelligence' one way - to suit themselves not the consumer.
    Keep away from PEL stores and shop FSW if you must use supermarkets.

    ReplyDelete