Danger, Danger

In the 60s I liked to watch a programme called Lost in Space. It had very low production values, pretty poor acting and ludicrous plot lines, but in a one channel, black and white television world it was novel and compelling viewing. Looking back, it was fairly dodgy as any sort of guide to raising a family. The space family Robinson set off in Jupiter 2 to do goodness knows what, but with the weight of their space craft being over the calculations, due to the stowaway Dr Smith, they hurtled through space and landed in an unknown galaxy on an unknown planet.

Luckily the planet just happened to have the same mass and air quality as Earth, so they were able to set up home in their damaged ship. Mr Robinson tried valiantly to fix the spacecraft, while Mrs Robinson spent a lot of time doing the washing, cooking and keeping their home ship-shape. Neither seemed too concerned about the welfare of the children. Older daughter Judy was up to goodness knows what with the deputy commander, Don. Younger daughter, Penny, was left to her own devices - though she did adopt some furry little alien creature that bore a striking resemblance to a small monkey with large glued-on fake ears.

Son, Will, was left to explore the planet in the company of Dr Smith. Dr Smith was initially cast as an evil character, but evolved into a cowardly buffoon whose greed for all sorts of space treasure inevitably got the pair of them into terrible situations. His camp performances were the cause of the cult status Lost in Space enjoys to this day. Will and Dr Smith usually took the robot with them, and week after week his incredibly advanced electronics would enable him to foresee the possible dangers ahead. He would flail his arms about and shout out, "Danger, danger, Will Robinson!", but neither Will nor Dr Smith ever heeded his advice.

The spirit of this robot lives on in the Building Consents department of the Hutt City Council. I recently had a toilet put into the bathroom, and quite rightly had to apply for consent to ensure the new connections to my existing sewer pipes were up to standard. But like the trusty robot, the Hutt City Council building inspectors can spot all sorts of potential dangers that the unassuming toilet user might never be aware of. They came to inspect the pipes, then flailed their hands in despair at the hazards all to plain to see with their superior skills. Apparently a lot of people just can't stop launching themselves from the toilet seat and hurtling through windows. It's a miracle that the glass had remained intact for the last ninety years, and sadly had to be changed for safety glass to ensure the safe use of facilities into the future. The improper use of toilets can increase the fire risk in homes, so the smoke detector that was judged to be just perfect when checked for my woodburner installation was now clearly twenty centimetres too far from the second bedroom door. I shake when I consider the danger I could have been exposed to without the use of their trusty measuring tape. 

Becoming code compliant took a few extra visitations and expense. You'll be relieved to know that I can now safely enjoy the new conveniences without danger to life and limb, and I've got the certificate to prove it! Unlike Dr Smith and Will with the robot, you can't ignore the superior skills of a Hutt City Council building inspector. Happy flushing!